Esther: "That first job made me face the absolute worst-case scenarios re: parenting gone wrong"

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When I met my husband, I had just graduated with my Masters in Social Work and the only jobs available at the time were in child protection with the government. So for a very stressful eight months, I slogged it out full-time being a Child Protection Social Worker. It was my job to assess whether children were getting their basic needs met in their homes, and whether they were safe. This was a horrendous position to be in, and at times, very dangerous. The worst thing I ever had to do in that job was remove a newborn baby from the hospital and into a foster home the same day. While I did this for the baby's well-being and safety (dad was a pedophile), I nearly broke down in tears when as I was carrying this sweet little babe in my arms on the way out of the hospital, a few people smiled at me and said "congratulations" assuming that I was the actual mother of said baby.

I learned about countless cases of child abuse and neglect, reading horrific stories of young children who had burned to death in their homes due to parental negligence. In short, that job made me face the absolute worst-case scenarios re: parenting gone wrong. I think that the timing of this job and the fact that I was 27 at the time and considering options for my future, combined in such a way that I began to feel that parenting wasn't exactly fun, easy, nor necessarily rewarding. I also become highly aware of how easy it is to mess up a child's life and that parenting was thus, a huge responsibility if one were to do it as conscientiously as possible.

As a psychotherapist, I feel that I am constantly mothering my clients and helping them reparent themselves as adults. In this capacity, I am a safe, nurturing, mother-like figure who helps people heal where the parenting they received was lacking, unhelpful, or downright abusive. My work meets all my "mothering" needs, as does looking after my darling pet kitties, Abe and Ike.

–Esther Kane, Age 46
Private Practise Psychotherapist specializing in women's well-being
Victoria, BC Canada

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