Verna: "Growing up it always looked like fun to be our father - and not fun to be our mother"

Growing up it always looked like fun to be our father - and not fun to be our mother. My relationship with my mother was difficult from the beginning. She was a rage-a-holic and I was her main focus . My point of sanity was in not having children. I never wanted to replicate in any way, shape or form the dynamics my mother and I shared. My mother was a doctor and very much of and in the world. I got married quite young - age 22 - and it was my mother who encouraged me not to marry so young, and not to have children unless it was something I felt I deeply needed and wanted to do.

It was not. 

When I married I now realize that neither one of us talked about having or not having children. It was not a discussion. Then eventually it became clear that we were not moving in that direction. Brad was a sculptor and there was never enough time for his work.

My life was predicated on being childless – the work I did, the career I had – none of that would have been possible with children.

I am an Aunt and it is a role that is extremely important to me.

For my nieces and nephews, they and their parents are the inner circle. They may feel like my inner circle however I am not in theirs. – Verna

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