I am a heterosexual, 30-year-old, cis-gendered female from NJ, USA. I've been thinking seriously about not wanting to have children for the past several years. It seems like something for which I don't have any overwhelming affinity. No very good reason I would want kids, and plenty of reasons (genetics, money, the commitment and responsibility, the annoyance...) that I don't. It just doesn't seem like something that I would want to add to my life. I don't feel feel much of a maternal instinct (unless maybe when it comes to kittens and puppies?). I've heard others say this is normal, and the instinct kicks in once you've actually had a child... but again, it's just not something that I feel particularly interested in developing.
I think I intellectually understand why others would want children, but it still always shocks me when I hear about someone's pregnancy announcement (as in, "ahh why??").
I have been dating a cis-gendered man for about 3.5 years now and we've talked about not having children. He says he's okay with that lifestyle, but I'm not sure if I believe him. I think he believes it, but I worry that he'll change his mind within a few years. In any case, he has never pushed back about my personal opinions about being child-averse.
My social circle is fairly small and very liberal (not that political ideologies are necessarily correlated with child-having), and I don't think there would be any male or female friend or co-worker that would question or judge my decision.
I was born in the US, but my parents immigrated here from India in their late 20s. India has a very strong patriarchal culture and also veryyyy much attributes value to a female for getting married (early 20s) and having children. I consider myself honestly lucky to have liberal parents (relative to other Indian immigrants). They have never pressured me to get married or have children and think it's up to me to decide what life choices would make me happy, as long as I am being a generally moral person. This has really freed me from a lot of guilt and pressure that I imagine other ladies may feel coming from their Indian families. It gives me one less factor to have to worry about as I think about this decision for myself.
I still do feel kind of like a selfish lady. Even though I know I shouldn't. –KS
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